I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
