Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Alive.
So much puke
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
