Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
