im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
