i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
