Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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