I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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