Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
