I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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