Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
