o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
