So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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