He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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