At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
