I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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