He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
