You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
