I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
