You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
