Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
