On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We talked him into tasing himself.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
