The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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