youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sobbing to NWA
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize