Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
