I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
