Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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