so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
