I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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