I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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