Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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