If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
