So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
