I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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