The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
