hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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