Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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