Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
