Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
