dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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