In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
