your parents love me but you hate me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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