Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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