so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
