Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Houston, we have a blender
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
