I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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