i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
