between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
