But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
