that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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