"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
