I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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