I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
