i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You took a bar mat shot.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
