Sry I called you an 8
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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