she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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