Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
