saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
how drunk are you?
Several
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
