I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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