It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
