bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
