Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018