He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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