Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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